The 14^th Installment of the ‘From Zero To...Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero Chronicles!!!’

Well it is that time of the year again.

The time where, finally, I am not the only person walking around drunk at midday!

The end of year is always a great time to spend with families and loved ones or to kiss random strangers under the harbour bridge. It is also a great time to reflect upon the year that was and what better place to do it than my ‘Gagging For It’ blog?

I was going to do a full reflection of my financial situation and my love life but considering this is a comedy blog I will just mention that nothing has changed over the year in the aforementioned fields; I am still broke and miserable, so I guess we will just focus on the comedy side of life.

My comedy addiction kicked off this past July when I was enrolled into the ‘Australian School Of Stand Up Comedy’ at the Star Bar and I have been absolutely hooked ever since. It is funny in life how sometimes things just feel right, like you have found your calling, and with comedy for me this was definitely the case. When I say that it felt right don’t think for a second that I am suggesting that I am some sort of a natural comedic talent, to be honest quite the opposite is true.

I think one of the things that has sucked me most into this comedy game has been how hard it is. I have been through a lot of intense stuff in my life but I am yet to still find anything that compares to the gut twisting nerves that overcome you moments before you come onto stage and the sharp suicidal thoughts that overcome your whole body when you completely bomb a set. Non comedians will read this and struggle to understand why on earth we would put ourselves through such pain and anguish in the name of comedy but other comedians know that you put up with both of these things because the times when everything goes well and your jokes are met with scores of laughter and you conclude to a deafening applause there is probably no greater feeling in the world.

So the end of 2009 has now come and I don’t know if I can call myself a ‘new comic’ any more (which is really going to affect my opening joke). I have had some truly great memories from this year and I would like to thank a few people for them.

First of all the people who run the comedy rooms of Sydney, I have met comedians from Melbourne, Perth and Adelaide over the past few months and they all share one constant theme. They are insanely jealous of the amount of rooms that we have to operate from in Sydney. So far I have performed at The Laugh Garage, The Star Bar, The World Bar, The Raglan, The Edge, The Roxbury, Mic In Hand, Scruffy Murphy’s and at UTS. It has been great to have so many opportunities to try my material. I hope to perform at all of these venues again in 2010 and maybe even to add a few more to this list.

Secondly I would like to mention the people who have offered me advice in my quest to becoming a slightly better stand up comedian than I am now. This is in my opinion one of the best things that I have found about the comedy world. Help comes from every angle, I have been very lucky to find that everyone regardless of how ‘big’ or ‘small’ they are has always taken time to offer me a few words of advice. This is such a great thing because everyone can really help everyone else. There are so many funny and intelligent people in this industry and it is great to be able to grab a piece of everyone’s mind. To all of you advice givers, thank you. I really have taken everything that everyone has told me on board and I appreciate the time that you have given me. I hope to use that to become a better comedian in 2010.

Thirdly I want to comment on all the other comedians I have met on the Sydney circuit. Most people are getting a double mention from the previous paragraph because as I said I have found everyone to be amazingly helpful and nice. But I want to say that it has been a pleasure getting to meet the other comedians I have met. There are so many great people out there. It has been awesome getting to know you and I look forward to more fun and entertaining stories over the next 12 months.

Fourthly and finally I would like to say a big thanks to Viv Smythe. This is basically just sucking up but as she is the editor of ‘Gagging For It’ I would like to say that it has been an honour defacing her once proud website with my verbal graffiti. Writing these blogs each week have been a great way for me to make sure that I am constantly on track and working towards my goals. I have also had a lot of fun sharing stories with other members of the community through here so thanks Viv, I appreciate it.

Well that will do for now, have a great New Year’s period, keep writing and keep trying to be funny. (Unless of course you’re not a comedian...than just do something else). I look forward to sharing many more tales with you when this blog kicks back into full gear- somewhere around the middle of January.

 Cya

Joey Del

P.S- I remember promising Paul Warnes and Damian Smith I would write something in this yearly wrap up edition of my blog but I can’t remember for the life of me what it was. To be honest I think they just wanted their names mentioned to increase their google source rankings so Paul Warnes, Damian Smith, Paul Warnes, Damian Smith, Paul Warnes, Damian Smith, Paul Warnes, Damian Smith. J

I really pride myself on being someone that lives life. That’s not an invitation to invite me next time you are going mountain biking or over to the gym for a quick work out. I certainly don’t waste the precious time I have on this earth by doing silly things like exercising or spending time with the family. When I say I live life. I mean it the way they did back in the roaring 20’s, with a glass in my hand. Pubs, clubs, bars you name it I will be there. I usually try to justify the way my free time is spent by telling myself that as a stand up comedian it is important to get out and to really get to know your fellow man. But if we are going to be truthful with each other, I just really like drinking.

There is a problem I have noticed of late in watering holes all around our fair city and indeed, all over our great country. This problem has always been there but it seems to have hit fever pitch of late. So I have thought that now is the time to bring this problem to the forefront. As our government squabbles over whether or not the sea level on earth will rise half a centre metre in 200 years time I want to know who is answering the real questions.  What on earth is happening in our public toilets?

There are few places more disgusting than a public bathroom. We all see the cleaners go in everyday and we all see them leave. What happens after that is a mystery!  How do they turn from a freshly cleaned lemony haven to an absolute den of filth? This question has befuddled man kind since the dawn of time! However we just accept it instead of asking the important questions, Who, How and Why?

Firstly the Who, Who are these people who make our toilets so disgusting? I mean call me old fashioned but when I use public facilities I certainly try to keep them clean. I do whatever needs to be done I follow the appropriate flushing protocols, I wash my hands and I get on with my life. Am I in the minority? Who are these people that are doing otherwise? Do they go into public bathrooms with the intention of waging unholy havoc on the poor unsuspecting bathroom or do they go in there and see it all clean and can simply not help themself. I mean seriously the state some of these places are in makes the toughest members of our societies cringe. Who are these people? Forget ‘Charles Manson’ and ‘Son of Sam’ I would like to see aspiring criminologists preparing reports on the mind of the serial toilet defacer.

An even more important question to discuss is how. How do these monsters make such a mess? I know we all learn things at different speeds but I am pretty sure that going to the bathroom is one of those things that we have all been doing for a long time. You should have learnt how to do it by now! I am aware that Numeracy and Literacy levels are at all time lows in our country but are we also seeing unprecedented numbers of people who cannot pass toilet training at a preschool level?  If you went around to all the houses in our city would one out of every ten toilet’s be as disgusting as the state of our public toilets. Is the problem not that these people possess a flagrant disregard for their fellow man but because their brains can not comprehend the steps involved in using a bathroom?

And finally why! Well actually I am getting towards the bottom of the article and there is no room for why but take some time to think about why did we let it get so bad and why are we doing nothing to stop it? There has never been a time more important than now. We must march on the steps of Parliament House and demand cleanliness. If not for us, then for our children and for our children’s children (more commonly referred to as grandchildren)! Let’s be known as the generation who brought hygiene back into our society!

Thia article was originally written for the News Limited owned 'mX Newspaper' and appeared in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane on the 18th of December 2009.

Those of you who are from Sydney or are even avid news readers from all over the world may have heard of a story to emerge from Sydney’s  south west on Friday night. There was a Christmas party held at a function centre in Fairfield, one of the more ‘cultural’ centres of Sydney. It was a Christmas function that was attended by a large number of the areas Asian community. As sometimes happens with these things not everyone there got along with everyone else, a fight ensued, machetes were used and some genius decided to pull out a gun and a 19 year old Asian man was shot in the chest and he was pronounced dead before they could get him to hospital.

Now many obvious questions emerge from this kind of situation. Firstly can you not think of a better time than a Christmas party to sort out your problems with other members of the community, secondly, when did talking become useless and we felt we needed to kill people that we disagreed with and thirdly, what kind of people bring machetes and hand guns to a Christmas party. It would seem only people who are looking for trouble and in this instance it appears that they certainly found it.

Now whilst it is clear that the 19 year old man who lost his life is a tragic victim from this event there are other victims that nobody takes the time to think about or even realise exists. I was scheduled to go to a wedding on Saturday night, the night after this shooting. My girlfriend is Korean and because of this a lot of her friends are Asian and so we go to a lot of functions in the Asian parts of Sydney. The wedding that we were supposed to go to on Saturday night was actually due to be held in the exact same function centre where this machete and hand gun fuelled fight took place.

There are few things more important in a girl’s life than her wedding day. Most girls only get one of them (I am sure that will be the case with this girl) and you could only imagine what it would have been like waking up on the morning of your wedding about to get ready for what should be the happiest day of your life only to find out that the venue that you had chosen for this occasion was now roped off by police who had turned your wedding venue into a crime scene to try and work out why a few heroes decided to try and kill each other.

It would be horrible. These are good people, the girl is a hard working accountant and her newlywed husband is a long serving member of the Australian Army. They have never done a thing wrong in their lives and their wedding was ruined by the actions of a few selfish morons. The bride had to spend her entire wedding day calling her 200 guests to tell them that the wedding function was off and that they now would all be meeting at her house for a small get together.

Luckily the night still went well and considering the situation everybody had a good time. I personally was happy with the change as the wedding was now catered by Pizza Hut and KFC instead of by the Vietnamese function centre which was now involved in an intense spate of police questioning. It isn’t that I don’t like Vietnamese food but how many times do you get to eat chicken out of a bucket at a wedding. I was cheering! However somehow despite the brave faces they put on I don’t imagine that the bride and groom were as happy with their guests eating pizza in their backyard as they would have been with their dream wedding.

So my message goes out to those of you out there that think it is a good idea to carry machetes and guns around when you go to Christmas functions. Stop being so selfish and think of other people! I don’t know why you feel like you need to kill someone, I can’t bring myself to yell at somebody let alone shoot them! But if you do need to do it, at least be considerate of others!  Chuck the soon to be victim in the boot of the car, drive him to a secluded out of the way location for his execution that will not harm other members of society. Just because you are an ‘underbelly’ wannabe gangbanger try hard murder it doesn’t mean you have to be selfish and ruin a bride’s perfect evening!

It is amazing how quickly your life can change.

Last year I was embracing the sun. My name was synonymous with being at the beach, picnicking in a park or relaxing with friends at a cafe somewhere near the ocean. I was well and truly an outdoors person complete with tanned skin and blondish hair to match. Fast forward to now, and you see a different picture. I haven’t been outside in months. I live on my couch surrounded by a sea of empty corn chip packets and salsa tubs. Any time I see even a little bit of sunlight sneak its’ way into my dark haven. I look at it in disgust and head to the darkest corner of my apartment.

Now you may be trying to work out what has happened to make my life change so dramatically. Did some girl break my heart? Did I decide that now was the time in my life to become a heroin addict? Have I joined the ever growing army of ‘emo kids’? Well no, nothing so severe has taken place and I am happy to report that I am still out there laughing at those mascara wearing little emo’s with the best of them. The root of my problems can be directly traced back to one simple and seemingly innocent decision I made a few months ago. I decided it was time to buy a gaming console.

I’ve never really been into gaming but all of my friends are so I figured why not. I bought the latest craze in gaming consoles and a few games to go with it. I mean what’s the worst that could happen? Well let me tell you, people need to stop worrying about whether or not there are enough warning labels on cigarettes and alcohol and start worrying about the merchant of death that is the computer game console. I took it home, plugged it in and kissed my life goodbye. That first day was the shortest time I have spent gaming since I bought the thing, about 6 hours. It has literally taken control of my life. Every waking hour is spent either playing games or fantasising about my next attempt at taking control of Vice City. Real people have stopped being important to me and have merely become obstacles between me and my next gaming session. Apparently we had one of the hottest days ever the other day, I wouldn’t know. I will leave the beach and other strenuous outdoor activities to those who don’t know about the joy one can find from playing a song on guitar by pressing a few coloured buttons, sitting on the couch wearing yesterdays clothes and sporting an unshaven face. Considering the fact that my blinds are always closed and there is a constant stream of computerised gunshots coming from my apartment I am surprised neither the anti-terrorist police nor the drug squad has raided my apartment to take me away for questioning!

The other thing about not seeing the sun is that my tanned skin is a distant memory. It’s now a nice, pasty, fluorescent white. Never going out will do that to a man. Wait that’s not fair I do go out. I generally walk from the apartment to the car so that I can pick up some dinner from drive thru...that is of course when it is too late for home delivery.

After dinner when I wipe my hands with a white napkin it is really hard to tell where the hand starts and the napkin ends.  For this reason I am very happy that at the moment the ‘must watch’ movie around town is ‘New Moon’ – from ‘The Twilight Saga’. Thank goodness those vampires are bringing pasty white skin back in fashion. Now when people see me they think I am either a massive fan or a fashion visionary. Nobody considers the fact that neither of these are true and that I just spend all of my waking hours playing simulations of car racing games.

So what is the lesson here? I think it is simple, Christmas is coming up. If you have a friend that you don’t really like spending time with...Perhaps a gaming console is the perfect gift to get them out of your life.

This article was written for the News Limited owned mX newspaper and appeared in print on the 30th of November 2009

The 12^th instalment of the ‘From Zero To...Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero’ Chronicles!!

Well the big Quest For The Best Final is just a couple of sleeps away and I for one am very excited! I haven’t had the preparation I would have liked to be honest, I started a job at Flight Centre (If you need any travel related stuff then contact me) last week and this had made me unable to focus on anything but this job. Like all new things that you start up there is so much to learn. By the time I get home I am so exhausted I can’t fathom opening my eyes let alone working though my comedy material. I still feel prepared though. I will go there and do my best and with any luck I will make at least a hand full of the 600 odd people in attendance laugh!

Due to the new job and just the general time of year I had a relatively quiet week on the performing front. I did however get some stage time at The World Bar in their ‘Stand Up Get Down’ Comedy evening.  This event runs bi-weekly on a Wednesday night and starts at 8pm. I believe that they are moving to weekly very shortly but I am not sure when. If you need any information I am sure Rhys Jones, the guy who runs it, will be more than happy to help you out.

I had heard about this venue for a while and was looking forward to taking part there although I had no idea what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised when I walked in to see an absolutely beautiful bar with a great outdoor seating area and more importantly a separated room at the back which was where the comedy would be taking place.

I was equally impressed with the comics that were on that night. Firstly there was a lot of people and secondly the standard was quite high. I saw Dain Haizer (complete guess of the spelling) for the first time and learnt that I would be competing with him in next weeks’ final. I considered knee capping him momentarily so as to take him out of the competition but sadly he was too nice a guy so I decided against it.

Kristen Boesenberg was performing as was Rhys Jones, JP White, John Cruckshank, Ryan Withers, Russel Jones, Nick Capper and my good self. Everyone put on a great performance but I need to give special mention to John Cruckshank who absolutely killed. I have seen him perform a fair few times now. I don’t know what he did differently this time but it was complete Gold. I also enjoyed seeing Ryan Withers perform; He was workshopping a few ideas which left him a fair few moments of crowd interaction which I thought were executed well. There was also something special about watching Rhys Jones pretend to be Macgyver and try to fashion a condom out of a pack of chewing gum, revolutionary comedy indeed!  

Canorvale and Culp where the headline act (apparently they are ‘aka The Cloud Girls’ but for my short time in comedy they have always been Canorvale and Culp so if I told you they were ‘aka’ I would be lying), they preformed their unique brand of comedy and the crowd seemed to really get behind it. My personal favourite was the ‘eurovision’ sketch that they did.

Paul Warnes was the MC as he seems to be everywhere that I go. I have noticed that of late I actually cannot write an entry without mentioning his name as he is everywhere that I perform. I got to hear some new material of his which I thought was quite good. He did a bit just before I came on which didn’t go down as well as one would hope. I made fun of him and everyone laughed which would have been great if I hadn’t then proceeded to bomb the next 4 and a half minutes of stage time. I guess that is the lesson I have learnt this week, if you are going to make fun of someone, make sure you do a better job than they did.

All in all it was a great night and my last hit out before the big finale on the 25^th November at Marrickville Town Hall (Tickets Available through Moshtix). If you come down please say hi to me! If not I will look forward to keeping everyone up to date next week.

Have a great week!

This article was written for Gagging For It. Want to know what is happening in the Australian Comedy World? Check Out GFI today!!!

The 11th instalment of the “From Zero To…Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero” Chronicles!!!

Wow what a difference a week makes!

Last week after my win in front of a 160 person strong crowd at the Preliminary finals of ‘The Quest For The Best’ I was floating on clouds. I absolutely killed receiving a record breaking (for me) two applause breaks in my five minute set. It was honestly one of the happiest moments of my life and I was very proud of my achievements. The euphoria that followed was great.

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t have false visions of myself being the next big thing and going from one solid performance in front of a good sized crowd to selling out stadium tours around the world. It is just that the comics memory is a very short term one, the last show that you do seems to be the only one that you can remember. This was certainly true for me and all of the rooms that I had bombed in time and time again over the past few months seemed like nothing but a figment in my imagination.

This euphoric bliss lasted exactly six days until my next performance, the opening round of another competition this time at the hub of Sydney comedy, The Laugh Garage. I was up against nine other comics, most were people I knew and have a lot of respect for. Comedians such as Ben Mcleod , Jarred Keane, Ash Jattan, Joe Misfud, Dat Tran, Laurence McLachlan, Blake Mitchell and Shimon saddled up to compete on the night which was MC’d by the in demand Paul Warnes. There was approximately 30 people in attendance and they all seemed to be enjoying themselves with the laughs flowing like wine for most of the time. This was of course until I got up on stage and performed my set to what could only be described as deafening silence. This was a painful experience and it probably was the equivalent of the bucket of icy water wakeup call that we all need to experience in life to keep us hungry and following our goals. Standing up there I was sure I had dreamt my performance at the Roxbury a week before. Surely I would never make anyone laugh again. I was back to reality.

On the competition front Ben Mcleod was the deserved winner of the night picking himself up a cash prize and a spot in the semi finals, also through to the semi finals was Jarred Keane, Ash Jattan and Dat Tran. It was a good night all in all and in just its second running I think the Laugh Garage competition is well on its way to cementing itself as one of the ‘must compete in’ competitions on the Sydney Comedy Calender.

The crowd was also treated to two final spots from American comedic heavy weight Rick Shapiro before he headed back to the States. Before the intermission Rick performed a five minute set (that lasted about 12 minutes) and at the end of the night he performed a 10 minute set (which lasted about 21 minutes). In his time in Sydney I have seen Rick Shapiro on four separate occasions and I haven’t seen him do the same piece of material twice. It is mind boggling the amount of material he has and how much he can just make up as he goes. It is all so genius and yet so insanely bizarre. I really enjoyed how he seemed to have the ability to make me laugh uncontrollably but have absolutely no idea what it was I was laughing at.

On Wednesday night I headed over to the Raglan to perform in the Wednesday night ‘Ragged Comedy’ evening. Peter Meisel was the MC which I found interesting as he was celebrating his 12 year wedding anniversary and yet his wife was nowhere to be seen. Also performing was ADD Spokesperson Mat Wakefield, Jack Druce, Peter Green, the guy whose name I always forget but he looks like he should be in ‘Super Troopers’ (Matt maybe?) and a few others. This was again a fun evening. The crowd was filled with comedians (both performing and there to watch) as well as a few regulars at the pub who I had a chat to afterwards and informed me that they really enjoy seeing the comedy on a Wednesday night. The familiarity of everyone in the crowd makes performing here quite a laid back enjoyable experience. It is a venue where the crowd doesn’t seem to mind offering their thoughts about what you are saying and it makes it quite a fun workshop style evening with comedians actually asking members of the crowds for their opinions after they do a bit. I had a lot of fun here and dedicated a couple of minutes of my set to poking fun at Peter Meisel in attempt to blow of some steam following my dismal performance the night before.

So that is another week out of the way. I was actually happy with how everything panned out. It was a stark reminder to me that you always need to strive to improve. The crowd doesn’t care how well you did in your previous show; they will judge you on what they see you do in front of them. I am performing at ‘Stand Up Get Down’ at the World Bar in Kings Cross for the first time on Wednesday night and then at the ‘Quick Some Comedy Quick’ Night at Star Bar on Thursday. If I want the crowd to enjoy my set I better get practicing!

Have a great week.

The 10^th (milestone?) instalment of the ‘From Zero To...Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero’ Chronicles!!!

Hello!

I mentioned at the end of the last article that I was heading off to compete in the ‘Quest For The Best’ Preliminary Final last week and that I would talk about it in this edition of the ‘FZTSSHTZ’ chronicles (not the best acronym in the world but what can you do).

It was a great night of comedy at The Roxbury. Peter Meisel was the MC and he did not disappoint. The 160 person strong crowd was whipped into a frenzy long before the first act was on. One of the things that impressed me most about Peter was how he offered the entire MC solution, the MC work did not just stop when he was on stage he spent most of the breaks chatting with the crowd offering his thoughts on life to any that would listen. I spent most of the break trying to say hi to my mum who was nice enough to come down and support me but I could not pull her away from Peter for long enough to achieve this goal. After all they both came from teaching backgrounds and both had spent time in New York, apparently far more important topics than talking to her only son.

Due to the massive crowd that was on hand to watch the comedians performing were unable to sit inside. We had to watch from outside the room, stealing glimpses of the competition whenever possible. Due to this fact I was unable to watch the whole show however what I did see seemed quite good.

The first act on stage went by the name of ‘Le Dasher’. I was quite shocked when she walked up on stage dressed in full salsa gear including a metre high frilly head piece. The gist of her performance was that she was a stereotypical bogan girl who had always wanted to be a dancer. The last few minutes of her set were spent with her performing a dance routine. It was an excellent start to the competition. I could not stop laughing as I watched through the door.

I was unable to see the acts that were 2^nd and 3^rd on stage although from the noise I could hear from the crowd I am sure they did a great job. In fourth place was Danny Morgan. I have been lucky enough to perform with Danny on a few occasions. He is the kind of guy whose company you enjoy as much chatting off stage as you enjoy his performance on stage (although to be fair I am yet to meet someone in the comedy industry who I don’t like). Danny did a set of his I enjoy about the NSW Police. The crowd seemed to like it as well.

I was the fifth comedian on stage and I can honestly say I was very happy with how I went. The start was a little shaky as either Danny or Peter (who came on in between acts) had somehow managed to twist the microphone cord around the stand six or seven times. It took me a little while to unravel this but all worked out well. I have found a few problems in my set and have been working on them a lot of late. I personally felt that this performance was a marked improvement and one of the best, if not the best one that I had done. I was really happy with it and I hope I can continue to improve on these points a lot more as I go on with my comedy ‘career’.

I am not sure who followed after me but another person who I have worked with a few times Ben Mcleod was first up after the break. I like Ben a lot, he is responsible for moving group sex out of my life wish list and putting it into the list of thing that I laugh about as soon as I hear mentioned. Other comics on show were the excellent Des Smith, Emma Markezic who performed well enough to advance to the finals, Daniel Nour who offered hilarious comments on Masterchef, Sam Marzden, Toni Starks and Scott Abbot.

Scott did a routine on refugees that I have seen a few times and that I have always enjoyed. I noticed he is sporting a new moustache which I assume is either for ‘Movember’ or for a career as a porn star he is starting off in. My sister told him that she thought he was the funniest person there that night. Um...Hello? I was there too remember sis! Apparently little things like ‘blood’ aren’t that important to her. But he was funny so it was very hard to argue!

All in all it was a great night. I would like to say a big thank you to the family members and friends that came and supported me. I would also like to say an extra big thank you to the people who I had never met before who came up to me after the show and told me how much they enjoyed my set. Other comics will agree that this is without a doubt the nicest part about comedy.

The finals are in just over 2 weeks (25^th November) so I have a lot of work to do in order to prepare myself for that. I have a show at the Laugh Garage on Tuesday and at the Raglan on Wednesday so hopefully these will help me get in tune. I look forward to talking about these and so much more with you next week!

Have a great week!

Joey Del

This Article Was Originaly Written For www.gaggingforit.com.au Check It Out To Keep Up To Date With What Is Happening In The Australian Comedy World!!!

This is the 9^th instalment of the ‘From Zero To...Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero” Chronicles!!

Hey!

This past week has been a strange one for me with the funeral for my late grandmother being on Wednesday. I had a few shows that were locked in before that date however I thought it would be best to cancel those dates and just pick up again from Thursday.

Thursday night was interesting to say the least. I ended up at The Glasshouse bar at the UTS. There was a tonne of comedians on; Jarred Keane, Ray Cashman Kristen Boesenborg, Ash Jattan, Evin Donohoe, Erin Steele and others. It would have been a great show, if the audience could only hear it.

We were just one partitioned wall away from the rest of the pubs very rowdy Thursday night crowd. When I was on stage every time I came to a crucial part of my story I would be interrupted by 50 odd uni students yelling out ‘CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG’. It made it a little hard to say the least.

I try to remain positive with these kind of things and tell myself that the harder the room is the better. It is all good stage time and these tough spots makes us stronger people and then in theory better comedians. I don’t know if that is true or not but I am sticking with it. Even though when I get off stage after a night like this I basically want to do nothing but eat Hungry Jacks and cry into my coke.

Friday night I was at Star Bar for the always fun Comedy Court competition. As an open micer I like this place. There is always a relatively decent crowd of around thirty odd people and they are generally receptive. This week was a low key night with only four comics performing; Myself, Ray Cashman, Joseph Mifsud and William Lee.

William was an Australian guy with an Asian background who lives in London (I don’t know if that makes sense or not?). He was only back in Sydney for a short period of time so a lot of his friends came out to watch him in action. This made the crowd about 90% Asian in background which if you have heard my material will know that this made me slightly nervous at first. However I am happy to report that they all ‘got the joke’ and were happy to label me as a funny guy as opposed to a racist bigot. Everybody had a good laugh and all in all the night was a lot of fun.

Before heading to the Star Bar I went over to the Laugh Garage for a drink hoping to catch up with some familiar faces. I walked in to see Ray, Darren Sanders and Paul Warnes standing around the bar drinking so this did not disappoint. I only mention this as Paul was chatting to me about some comments I had made in a previous article. He was quite happy that I had labelled him a British sex God but he was wondering if when I said that he was ‘acting as MC’ that I was alluding to his lack of MC ability as opposed to using a generic term. Not wanting to put a man as powerful as Paul on the wrong foot (I mean he is 132kg, if he loses his balance and topples over who knows how many innocent lives will be destroyed) let me stipulate that Mr Warnes was not acting as MC, he was MC and a darn good one at that! The comics and the crowd there that night were better off due to his uncanny wit and his flawless timing. Better Paul?

Whilst I was at the Laugh Garage the very luscious Julie behind the bar leant me a copy of ‘comedian’ the stand up comedy documentary staring Jerry Seinfeld. If you are a comic or are interested in comedy and you haven’t watched this go and do so. It is interesting to see someone as almighty as Seinfeld having the same problems that us mere mortals have. Thank you very much for loaning this to me Julie!

I only have one show this next week but it is a big one. I am in a preliminary final for the Quest For The Best Competition at the Roxbury. I am looking forward to this show, it should be a lot of fun. I don’t know if I will be lucky enough to make it through to the final but either way it will be an amazing experience. It is on Wednesday night in Glebe (St Johns Rd). If you have nothing on come down and vote for me! If you can’t make it, then stay tuned to these articles as I will talk about this great show in next week’s edition!

I hope you have a fantastic week!

Joey Del

This article was originaly written for Gagging For It. To keep up to date with what is happening on the Australian Comedy Scene check  out GFI Today!!

This Is The 8th Instalment of the “From Zero to…Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero” Chronicles!

This has been a very interesting week for me as far as comedy goes.

It started on Monday at Scruffy Murphy’s. I had heard many reviews on this room and not all were flattering so I was looking forward to seeing it for myself. The main grievance that I had heard is that you are dealing with a large number of Irish patrons who are much more interested in drinking Guinness and talking about the Celtic football club than listening to some nerdy Australians trying to be funny.

This seemed to be the case initially. The room was packed for a Monday night with about 40 patrons in the area where the comedy was on. Whilst it seemed true that nobody would be interested in the people on stage when the show started this seemed to change very quickly and the crowd really got into it. The mood seemed quite good throughout the whole night with all performing comics receiving laughs and the crowd really getting into things. There were two Irish comics (Des Penny and a girl called Kerrie whose surname escapes me) and they were both instant hits. The rest of us had to earn the crowds support but once you could get one laugh out of them they seemed quite supportive. I got a few laughs and left without a black eye or a glass in my face so all in all I would say it was quite a successful evening and a venue that I will happily return to for some desperately needed stage time.

Wednesday night was spent at the Lord Raglan which saw another good crowd. There seemed to be a fair few gothic people in the room. They were very confused about the whole concept of comedy. They wanted to laugh but then they quickly realised that laughing goes completely against what wearing black and looking miserable is all about so they would restrain themselves and put their gloomy ‘life’s unfair’ faces back on. Again it was a good crowd. It was nice to see another mid week pub venue pull in a decent amount of fans.

My final show for the week was the Comedy Court final at the Star Bar. This brings me to the main point that I wanted to talk about in this article as it was not an ordinary day for me.

The day started unusually early for me (9:30am). I was greeted by a phone call from my father who told me that he wanted to come over and talk about something. This was the third time in my life that my father has called me to just come over and have a chat. This first time was in 2002 when my Nonno (grandfather) passed away. The second time was last year when my best friend Jonathon passed away and Friday’s phone call was the only other occasion where this had happened. Naturally I assumed the worst and sadly it turned out my fears were correct. My father came over and informed me that my Nonna (grandmother) had passed away at 8am that morning. She has suffered from severe dementia for around 5 years so it was one of those mixed situations where you are sad to see them go but deep down you know it is probably for the best because there has been so much suffering. My Nonna and I were very close. She more or less raised me and most of my childhood memories have to do with her. Needless to say I was devastated and I must admit that I spent most of the day in tears.

I had the show booked in for that night however and one thing that I am trying my hardest to do as a new comedian is to build a reputation with the people who run comedy rooms around Sydney as a person who keeps his word. When I say I am going to be somewhere, regardless of the situation. I want to be there. So even though I was in a personal mess I tried my hardest to pull myself together and be prepared for a show that night. It was probably the first time in my comedy ‘career’ that I have truly felt like the stereo typical ‘sad clown’. I had to portray an image of happiness and fun to the sold out crowd at the Star Bar whilst I felt nothing but sadness on the inside. This was interesting to me as it made me realise that if this is something I want to do professionally I will need to perform regardless of what is going on in my life. If comedy is to one day be my source of income I need to be able to disassociate ‘onstage Joey’ from ‘personal Joey’.

I am happy to report that I was quite pleased with how I did this, it wasn’t easy but I got through it and I think it was actually one of the better sets that I have done! It was nice to get a little positive part of the day.

Well that is all from me for now. I will try and leave the melancholy behind for next week’s article and find something fun to talk about!

This article was originaly written for Gagging For It. To Keep Up To Date With All The Latest News And Info From The Australian Comedy Circuit Check Out GFI Today!!

Summer is well and truly on the way!

Summer traditionally means using my mediocre interest in cricket as an excuse to spend countless hours on the couch drinking beer.  Many guys out there will agree that this is the perfect way to spend summer. Sadly, my girlfriend is not a guy. For some reason unbeknownst to me she wants more from life than drinking and sleeping! She wants to head outdoors and embrace the sun.  

 I’m sure you can tell by the photo attached to this article I have a body that is made more for pointing and laughing at than it is for ogling. However according to the girlfriend this summer will be spent on the coast and not on the couch so this needs to change.

Not only does she want me to look better she apparently is also not thrilled by the fact that with my current diet and lifestyle most physicians would call it a miracle if I were to live past the age of 30 so with all this in mind she has decided that I need to start going to the gym.

 For me the gym has always fallen into the same ‘no go’ category that the Library and Ikea belong to so I wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea. Then she suggested that I start joining her for her weekly Pilate’s classes to get started and the whole idea got a lot more appealing.

Now I didn’t know much about Pilates but from what I could see it involves a lot of rolling around on the floor in a room full of beautiful women listening to hippy music. Count me in! That isn’t exercise that is paradise. She was surprised at how quickly I agreed. She thought that finally I was showing some interest in my personal health and well being and was finally going to get fit but all I was thinking about was getting an hour of guilt free perving in a week as well as getting some well deserved nap time. I had tricked her! Joey Del 1 Girlfriend 0...Or so I thought.

When I got there for the first lesson it all seemed to be going to plan, the class consisted of twenty beautiful women, myself and one other ‘genius’ male  who I could only assume had the same idea that I did. The instructor came in and she was even more beautiful than my fellow class mates. Yes I was checking her out, she was the teacher! It would be rude not to watch her every move.

The class started with a few neck rolls and hip rotations to align the all important ‘transverse’ muscles, so far so good and then the good times stopped and pain entered the room.

All of a sudden you are lying on the ground holding your legs in the air and drawing circles on the roof with your toes until you can feel fire burning through your legs. You are holding your entire body up on your hands and your toes for what seems like an eternity. They give these things cute little names like ‘the plank’ to hide what they really are, torture.

My plans for a nap were thrown out the window. Five minutes in to the session I was covered in sweat. The perving plans were a distant memory as I could do nothing but despise the instructor for her cruelty and beg for her to put an end to this madness! As far as checking out the other women in the class this was impossible through the tears of agony streaming out of my eyes. The only person I could see is my girlfriend who is staring back at me with a smile from ear to ear. It appears that I may not have been as tricky as I first thought.

Guys, if you are ever put into this situation don’t make the same mistake that I did. It is a trick. Run! It is not an easy hour of rolling around on the floor meditating at all. It is hell on Earth! Actually hell may even be easier than Pilates! I have ongoing pains in parts of my body that I didn’t even know existed!

At least my new found flexibility will make it easier to reach the beer and corn chips from the couch!

This article was originally written for the News Limited run 'mX' Newspaper which was distributed through Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane on Wednesday the 21st of October!!!

The 7^th instalment of the “From Zero to... Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero Chronicles”!!!

Well another week has come and gone and what a week it was. I was a little quiet on the stage time front this past week only securing a spot on Tuesday night at The Laugh Garage. This was my first visit to The Laugh Garage as a performer which saw me enter with both nerves and excitement.

The first thing that caught my attention was how many people were in attendance! This was an open mic night but the crowd would have easily been around the hundred mark! I could only assume that all of these people had showed up to celebrate my Laugh Garage debut, maybe all of the PR work that I had been doing (i.e incessant nagging on facebook) was starting to pay off? I did hear some rumours that ’60 minutes’ were going to be doing a recording from the venue that night and that was the reason for the large crowd. I suppose that argument is a lot more water tight than the ideology that everyone had shown up to see Joey Del live on stage, but it is nice to pretend sometimes!

All in all there were around 12 open micers performing. I can’t remember everyone in attendance but off the top of my head the performers include British sex God Paul Warnes who was acting as MC, my comedy class mate Michelle Betts, Alistair Bates, Peter Meisel, Sydney’s only Heritage listed comic Dave Pollard, Ray Badran, Damian ‘Casey Affleck’ Smith and a host of others. It was one of those great comedy nights were all did well and the crowd responded really well to every joke. I would definitely say that my first experience of the Laugh Garage was a positive one and I can’t wait to get some more stage time there.

One of the things that I noticed about this venue which probably runs true to all Sydney Comedy rooms was the sense of community. Apart from Michelle who I have known for a while and Paul who I have been lucky enough to chat with after a couple of other shows I didn’t really know anyone there when I walked in. However everyone from Darren Sanders who runs the place to Julie and Eleanor behind the bar and all of the comedians were all happy to have a chat, share war stories and offer advice. The Laugh Garage is a great place for open micers to get some stage time and to watch and learn from the professional comics that frequent there.

Apart from that my comedy week was quiet, I had spent most of the week trying to fine tune my material and did not plan on going to any venues until I was rudely awoken on Sunday morning by fellow open micer Mat Wakefield who informed me that he wanted to go to the ‘World’s Funniest Island’ Festival and he didn’t want to go alone so he would be picking me up in an hour!

I had been hesitant about going to the World’s Funniest Island. It certainly seemed interesting but at the end of the day I am a freelance writer and an Open Mic comedian and if you flick through ‘Forbes’ Magazine you will notice that there are not many people in my line of work (with my lack of skill anyway) who are mentioned in any of the ‘Rich Lists’.

I am definitely glad that I went though and cannot wait until next year! This was a great day! This was the first running of this kind of festival and apart from a few teething problems it was brilliant. For a new comic like me it was such a great opportunity to watch many different comics and to learn many valuable things. I got there at around midday and left at 11pm and did not have one spare minute in between. All of the venues were jam packed and the vibe in the crowd was really good. What initially seemed expensive actually turned out to be very cheap when you consider I was lucky enough to watch Jimeoin, Akmal, Arj Barker, Tripod, Axis of Awesome, Heath Franklin’s Chopper, Mad Max the remix, John Robertson, Toby Coleman, Seizure, Keasty, Mickey D, Greg Fleet, Rick Shapiro, Matthew Hardy, Nick Sun, Sam Bowring, Sally Kimpton, Chris Wainhouse, Paul Warnes, Alan Glover, Felicity Ward and Peter Berner all in the one day!

It was such a valuable experience for me to be able to watch so many masters in action and to be able to get some one on one time with some of these guys to talk about comedy and get some advice from people who clearly know what they are doing.

It shows that the state of comedy in our country is at a phenomenal level when an event like this can be such a success. With any luck I can take some of the great things that I learnt and use them in my bid to one day develop myself into a comedian!

Have a great week!

Joey Del

This article was originaly written for Gagging For It. For all the latest news and info from the Australian Comedy Scene check out GFI today!

It is no secret to anybody that knows me that I am obsessed with television series. I am not a calm normal member of society who can just watch one episode of something and then casually wait until next week for the second episode. I am a binge viewer, As soon as I finish one episode I must then knock out the next 17 episodes immediately.

This means that it is not in the least way unusual for me to spend entire weeks doing very little besides sitting in the dark in my apartment watching series after series of any given show, only taken a break once every four hours to let the pizza man into the house.

Now I don’t know if it is because of the 14 hour sessions on the same show that I grind out or if it is just the show in general but every time I watch one of these shows I get so caught up in the lifestyle of the show that I always start acting like I am one of the characters.

Take ‘The Sopranos’ for example, I have watched every single episode of this show from start to finish three times in my life and every time I watch it I find myself talking in a New York American Accent where ever I go, my hand will not leave my groin area and I literally can’t go anywhere without a cigarette or a cigar in my hand! I also find myself developing plans to rob trucks full of goods and trying to build massive organised crime rings with my friends and ‘family’. However luckily for me I am afraid of going to jail and my friends are all as lazy as I am so our mob mentality never really progresses further then sitting around at a coffee shop in full tracksuits, smoking, drinking coffee and talking about the ‘old country’.

‘Boston Legal’ is another great example. Again I have watched every episode and if it was legal to marry a fictional character Denny Crane and I would be on our honeymoon right now. I find whenever I watch this show my scotch intake more or less triples (and it is pretty high to begin with). I walk around making filthy, derogatory and animalistic sexual advances to every single woman I meet (which (much to my girlfriends delight) often ends with me being slapped across the face)! The best part about my Boston Legal watching moments is that my good friend Pazz comes over more or less every night to drink scotch and smoke cigars. The only difference between our conversations and there ones is that they are actually successful and we are just pretending.

Now I am of Italian decent so ‘The Sopranos’ situation isn’t that bad and running around pretending I am a fanatically right winged lawyer is a great party trick so I don’t think ‘Boston Legal’ has caused me too much grief but it is my latest binge series which has everyone questioning my sanity. For the past two weeks I have been obsessed with a show called ‘Trailer Park Boys’ if you don’t know it, as the name suggests it is just three guys sitting around in a trailer park, getting drunk, getting stoned and going to jail. That means pretty much all I have done since I watched the first episode is wear the same clothes, talk about ‘shit storms’, drink, think about getting stoned and just generally try my hardest to resemble trailer park trash in any way that I can. I am having a lot of fun, sleeping in all day and just being a mess but when my girlfriend comes over and finds out that I have been sleeping in the car things start to go a little pear shaped.

Am I the only one who has these kind of binge induced alter lifestyle sessions or is this a normal phenomenon that happens to all. What shows do you find yourself trying to resemble in everyday life?

The next series I am going to watch is ‘Confessions Of A Call Girl’ I don’t know what this will do for my lifestyle, but at least I should make a few extra bucks!

Joey Del

The sixth instalment of the “From Zero To...Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero” Chronicles

Let me start by asking what is going on with the weather?! Seriously, make up your mind! 30 degrees one day, 14 and raining the next! It’s killing me!

I always get it wrong!  I put on a jumper one day and find out the city has turned into a dessert. The next day I will compensate by wearing a singlet, shorts and thongs only to find myself having to practice my side stepping skills as I duck and weave through hail.

You may be reading this and thinking well Joey; surely you could do something logical like check the weather report before you leave the house or put your hand out the window and feel what the temperature is? Well let me explain to you that a Joey Del is not a forward thinking or logical animal. It merely goes from point A to point B looking for food and something funny to talking about. It doesn’t have time to waste on things like logic and cleanliness.

I have had a pretty exciting week  comedy wise. It was full of both highs and lows. It started on Tuesday at the EDGE where I got to catch up with Mark Williamson, Seizure, Oliver Phommavanh, Paul Warnes, Desh, Dat and some other people whose names escape me at the moment (sorry). I also got to meet a guy who was up from Victoria for the week called Michael Connell who was both hilarious and an accomplished harmonicist (I am pretty sure I made up that word).

 I must say that on this night I put in one of my worst performances ever. I don’t know what it was but I got insanely nervous beforehand which served me an oversized portion of cotton mouth and made me rush through all of my set with virtually no breaks in it what so ever. I will be honest...I SUCKED! It is fair to say that I left the EDGE feeling like a Good Charlotte loving EMO kid. I was depressed and emotional. I had a lot of work to do if I wasn’t going to get heckled into submission at my Mic In Hand debut in two days time.

The Mic In Hand, I had been there a couple of times on a Thursday night to watch shows there. One thing I had always noticed was how high the quality seemed to be. Great headliners, great MC’s even the Open Micers on display there seem amazing. So I was shocked when after just two weeks of relentless nagging I was offered a spot.

I arrived on Thursday night with a healthy mix of excitement and nervousness. They always get good sized crowds there so I really wanted to put in a good showing. Michael Connell was MC for the night and I was looking forward to hearing some more gold from him. Open Micers included Damian Smith, Sean Ticehurst, Dain Hedgpeth, Ray Badran, Desh, me and another guy whose name once eludes me. I think everyone put on a good showing. I worked a lot before the show on just slowing everything down and making sure I had fun. I didn’t want the nervousness and cotton mouth from the EDGE to make another appearance. It didn’t, people laughed and I left with no egg on my face or knives in my chest, so all in all a pretty good evening!

As mentioned Desh performed in both of the shows I was at this week. For those that don’t know Desh is a seasoned comic who has been going around entertaining people for close to a decade, highlights include being a finalist in the 2002 RAW comedy competition and a member of The Footy Shows ‘Best Of ’ DVD. Desh was working on some new material at both of these shows and what I found interesting was how different it was from the Tuesday to the Thursday. This really highlighted to me the amount of work that guys at this level (which is obviously somewhere I am aspiring too) put in. I really need to stop (or at least minimise) the amount of time spent scouring you tube for as many various kitten inspired comedy skits as I can find and focus on my writing!

Just briefly before I finish up I went to the Comedy Store last night to watch Glen Wool. He was hilarious. I had an awkward moment when a drunk guy who was seated directly behind me decided to heckle. He didn’t really think it through though and just shouted out what was on his mind “F%$K MUSLIMS...I HATE THEM!” was what he came up with. Everybody turned around to the source of the noise. As he was directly behind me everyone turned to me and I was faced with a sea of disapproving eyes who thought I was responsible for the comments...Not a good feeling. Luckily he stood up and kept going which meant the accusing eyes were averted from me and back up to him, which was lucky, because I can’t beat one person in a fight, let alone a whole room of people.

Ryan Withers was the opening act on the night. I have seen him at the Mic In Hand before and he seems like a nice guy. He did a good job. When I saw his name on the massive sign out the front of the door I was very happy for him but a little envious as well...I wonder how long until I can see my name up there?

On that note, have a great week! I have some cat videos to wat...I mean some comedy to write!

Joey Del.

This article was originaly written for 'Gagging For It'. To keep up to date with all that is happening in the Australian Comedy Scene check out 'GFI' by clicking the link!

The fifth Installment Of The “From Zero To...Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero” Chronicles!!

Hey Hey!

No my introduction was not a reference to ‘Hey Hey It’s Saturday’ that aired again on television last night. I don’t know whose idea it was to put a show with the word ‘Saturday’ in the title on a WEDNESDAY night. Perhaps the same genius who thought “iSnack2.0” was what loyal vegemite consumers wanted as the name of their new spread. However sadly there are people out there who are making these decisions and sadly, they are getting paid more in a week than I ever will in a lifetime.

Speaking of not getting paid I had another show last night. This one took place at the Lord Raglan Hotel in Alexandria. I did not know much about this venue so I went in there on the Sunday before hand to check it out.

Not surprisingly the Raglan looks like a pub. I guess the best way to describe it would be that the main room is “L” Shaped. The stage for the comedy is at the corner of the “L” so you have people to look at on both sides as you are on stage. I wasn’t sure how this would go down at the time but it ended up being quite comfortable and I was happy with it. The bar staff and the locals all seemed friendly enough so I was looking forward to going there and giving it my best shot!

Before I get into the comedy I would like to discuss one of the highlights of this trip. The Lord Raglan had a whole pile of board games in the corner for patrons to play. I was with my girlfriend so we looked through the games. ‘Connect Four’ seemed to be the obvious choice so we sat down for some intense heads up action. Now I learnt that one of the following two things is true that evening. I am either the greatest player in the history of ‘Connect Four’ and I am revolutionising the way the game is played or my girlfriend is really, really bad at it! I suppose the latter is more likely to be true but damn it was nice to beat her in something. She beats me in everything that we do. Not as in I am a nice boyfriend and I let her win but as in she is better than me at everything! Everything except ‘Connect Four’! Joey Del 5, Monica 2. WOOT WOOT!!

Anyway, this is a comedy blog so I suppose I should at least spend some time talking about Comedy. One awkward thing about the Raglan for me was its location. I am a passionate South Sydney Rabbitohs fan and love Redfern and its surrounding suburbs more than most areas but my initial comedy piece that I am working on is a look at the homeless with a few light racial references aimed at many groups including our indigenous brethren sprinkled over the top.

 The Raglan comedy night is free entry and is about 300m from Redfern station. For those of you not from Sydney Redfern is Mecca for both the homeless and Aboriginal members of the harbour city. Whilst nothing I say is designed or intended to be taken offensively by either of these categories I was a little worried throughout the week before the show that somebody might stumble in, have a listen and get the wrong idea. This had me worried for a fair bit of the week and I was actually considering changing some parts of my material before the show to avoid any trouble.

 I would love feedback from other comedians (or people who enjoy stand up comedy) on this point. Do patrons leave their ethics at the door and know that a comedians goal is to make them laugh and not to offend them or do they take whatever views you express on stage as gospel and hold the comedian accountable for them? After giving it much thought I decided that my act would stop being a parody and would actually become racism if I started censoring it for specific audiences so I went with my original material and hoped everything would work out for the best.

The night of the show came around very quickly. I got to the Lord Raglan and polished off a $5 Steak and Chips (prices that awesome deserve a free plug!) I went to the bar and asked if Seizure (the guy who runs the comedy) was in yet. The barman replied to me “Seizure will get here when Seizure feels like it” which gave me my first experience of what the guy with the bizarre and awesome name was like. Seizure did rock up not too long after, like all other people I have met who run comedy he was a great character. I need to give him a big thankyou because after I finished my set he pulled me aside to offer me some feedback on my set with a few suggestions on what he thought would help.

To the ‘experienced’ comics out there I would like to say on behalf of all us ‘newbies’ THANKYOU for this, you have no idea how valuable the advice that you give is for us. Whether it is a big thing or a small thing or something that we do not agree with it helps us to think like a comedian and to analyse our material looking to improve it. It is amazing how often I can look at my set and be unsure where the leaks are only to have somebody suggest something which as soon as they do makes it seem insanely obvious and will then help me to make other changes elsewhere. I love this! I don’t care how long I do comedy for or how established in it I become. I will always believe that somebody out there knows more than me. If I can learn something off them then I could only get better.

Anyway, my word limit ended a few hundred words ago so I will leave it there! I am on next week at the EDGE (Hotel William, William St) on Tuesday night and at Mic In Hand (Friend in Hand Pub, Glebe) on Thursday night. Feel free to come down, say hi or boo and throw your least favourite piece of fruit!

Have a great week! Speak Soon!

Joey Del

This article is the fifth installment of Joey Del's "From Zero To...Somewhere Slightly Higher Than Zero!!" Blog about trying to make it in the world of stand up comedy.

 Read the other installments as well as getting the low down on what is happening in the Australian Comedy Scene by visiting Gagging For It!

Below is an article I wrote on the 15th of September 2009. An edit version of this appeared in the News Limited run mX newspaper on the 6th of October 2009

The day started out just like any other.

My alarm blaring at 7:30am telling me that the struggle begins. I stagger out of bed bleary eyed and search for breakfast. The fridge offers me two options, an orange and some pizza left over from last night. The latter is the obvious winner. I turn on the computer to check emails whilst eating and see an email from Brad.

Brad’s emails usually mean some form of entertainment, be it a funny joke or an awesome idea for a night out so I eagerly open it expecting my day to take a turn for the better. “Hi, my birthday has arrived so we are having a party on Saturday week, it is fancy dress and the theme is 80’s music icons so come dressed to impress.” I throw my half eaten pizza across the room and sit there in disgust. I hate nothing more than a fancy dress party.

Don’t get me wrong, I like parties but seriously get over yourself; Fancy dress! Do you honestly think I have nothing better to do with my time than get dressed up like Prince? I don’t understand why people have to have fancy dress parties. It is your birthday, in this instance it wasn’t even an important birthday (the insignificant age of 28) not only do you want me to give up a night of my life to spend time with you but you want me to put in more effort than I have ever put into anything else to prepare for it? Honestly, why are birthdays so important? Congratulations! You went a whole year without dying what an amazing achievement. I am happy to come and have a few drinks with you but people out there in MX land, when you decide to have a fancy dress party think about what you are really asking your guests to do.

Firstly you need to decide what you are going to wear, I open my closet and look inside, four pairs of jeans and six different black t-shirts...Nothing particularly 80’s about that. So thank you very much Brad. Not only do I need to spend the next week and a half thinking about which celebrity I am going to impersonate at your stupid party but I now need to go and buy something to wear. I make about $6.48 a week as a freelance writer and a stand up comic and by the time I take away expenses there is not exactly enough left over to spend on important things like tight leather pants and bangles. I know the frilly lapel and sparkly sequins that I need to get dressed for your party are an investment and I am going to have thousands of opportunities to wear them again in my everyday life but seriously, I have been wearing jeans and a black t shirt every day for the last 10 years, it seems to be working for me. I am not too interested in changing.

Then there is of course the other factor to consider. It doesn’t matter how much effort you put into your outfit at a fancy dress party there are always about a dozen people who apparently have no life and have gone completely all out in getting dressed for this. There is the one girl who looks exactly like Madonna, a guy (or maybe a girl) dressed exactly like Boy George, about 6 different Michael Jackson’s (both black and white) and me, trying to pull off a dodgy Prince impersonation with my stomach bulging out of my tight shirt and absolutely nothing bulging out of my tight leather pants. Great not only have I spent the entire week worrying about this party and blown about 8 weeks wages on my outfit I still fill like an insecure waste of space.

So sorry Brad, I am busy next weekend, I will not be at your fancy dress party and to anyone else out there, if you want to invite me to a Fancy Dress Party unless the theme is “Bikini Models and guys dressed in normal clothes” please don’t bother.

Joey Del is a Sydney based freelance writer and stand up comedian who does not look good in leather. For more check out www.joeydel.com

Hey!

Welcome to my first, of what I hope is many, blog entries on joeydel.com!

For those of you that don't know I currently write 2 blogs, one for a site called Gagging For It in which I talk about my experiences of trying to make my mark on the Sydney Stand Up Comedy scene and one on PokerNetwork which is all about the day to day life of playing poker and living the poker lifestyle. I will also copy any articles that I have done for other mediums! 

I also plan on writing a few blog posts specificaly for this website if I can overcome that old foe of mine called laziness! This post was intended as a quick hello to say thanks for reading. Please feel free to make comments, I will try to take them on board to improve the content on this site to be the kind of things that you want to see and hear.

 Look forward to getting to know you!

 Joey Del